U.S. Newspapers and the People Who Read Them

Sent via a friend (anyone know origin?): 

A Guide to U.S. Newspapers

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The WashingtonPost is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country, but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could find the time — and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it. 

6. The BostonGlobe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New YorkPost is read by people who don’t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

8. The MiamiHerald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

9. The St. LouisPost-Dispatch is read by people who want only the score of the Cardinal’s game. They drink Budweiser, Budweiser, and wait a minute — what was the question?

10. The San FranciscoChronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist homosexual dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. The SeattleTimes is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.